Shooting party

The collection of individuals who take delight in pointing and clicking cameras at works social events in order to capture less flattering moments. They are the vocational equivalent of the paparazzi. Most prevalent during the Christmas festive period but can be rallied into action at other occasions. Far more dangerous in more recent years as the rise of social networking has provided a vehicle for unexpected delivery of unwanted / damaging imagery.

Toxic toucher

An individual who can bring a situation to a stand still as soon as they appear at the scene. 'The toxic toucher is here, the project is doomed'.

F.U.Q's

Frequently Unanswered Questions (F.U.Q's): Cause of halting progress and not fulfilling an obligation to keep the workforce informed. 'F.U.Q. knows' - meaning that there is nobody available or prepared to provide an answer.

Atherd (aterd)

A exponent of the herding of atoms (see atom herder). At-herd, variation in spelling, aterd.

Atom herding

Derogatory term for unnecessary micro management. 'He has been atom herding again'. 'They are an atom herder'. Atom herding is carried out by an atherd. At-herd, variation in spelling, aterd.

Vortex Maximus

A metaphorical spinning all consuming hole that eats resources. Nothing gets completed when one of these is around. Can be applied to a situation, 'there is a vortex coming' or an individual 'the vortex needs to be eliminated'.

Fat Hike

The act of following a route to a known destination via electronic means - usually a break activity in the office. Example: using Google Street View to travel a route so as to not expend necessary energy finding the location. The benefits of the Fat Hike are that you never have to get wet or wear out shoes in finding a location. The downside is that it detracts from the benefits of actually walking there and motivation still has to be gathered to undertake the physical trip.

Spam salad

A day where the IT department is inundated with rougue email.

Taxi

Term for a method of raising team moral. 'We need a taxi to get this job finished'. Giving the team a lift. 'Call for a cab!' We need help.

Chunt

Getting the woes of the day out of your system. 'Having a good chunt'. 'That will give them something to chunt about'.

Exblurt

An individual who can accelerate office news or warning of unrest. If your task requires that others need to be made unofficially aware of a forthcoming situation then this is when an exblurt is most effective. The best exponents of this skill a never caught in the act of message delivery while all concerned know exactly the route of delivery.

Moscow Day

An extremely busy day. You just know you are destined to be 'Rushing around' - 'Russian around'.

Dan Brown Day

A day that is not going to be straight forward, although it will be strangely predictable in broad terms. Almost without doubt there will be a successful conclusion but there may be some casualties on the way.

Eric

Eric - a stressed individual. From the animated character Stressed Eric. Use: 'We don't need any Erics in the room'.

VATman

A sufferer of Vocational Associated Tourettes Syndrome. A VATman will break into spontaneous strings expletives as a result of progress being impeded for example. External influences are the main catalyst for the the VATman to morph into a state of enhanced verbal agitation.

Snowman

A frozen post or position that needs to be filled to avoid overloading other team members. Uses 'we need to get the snowman onto this one if they ever arrive' - implies the team are aware they are a person short and need assistance. Once the post is filled or disbanded the snowman becomes extinct, 'the snowman has melted'.

Cheeseboard day

A day where you turn up to your desk in good time and due to a gap in urgent traffic you can decide what to work on first. Like choosing the best cheese on the board. Ensure to choose wisely as some dairy products can induce nightmares in some individuals, this can be an unwanted side effect of a cheeseboard day.

Switch Dr

The IT guy who turns up and solves the problem you are experiencing without touching a thing. Can be problematic down the line if the fault returns the presence of the Switch Dr may not rectify the problem a second time around. A person with unpredictable mystical powers.

Vanilla fudge

An out of thee box solution that requires unexpected in depth development. Often mistaken as a miracle cure for a business requirement. To be avoided at all costs.

Peace pirate

Individual who is hell bent on destroying a situation. Source: from 'one who stole the peace'. Most obvious at times of low caffeine as agitated state becomes apparent.

Conference caddy

A colleague who ensures that you come out of a tricky vocational situation without suffering any collateral damage. Much sort after and hard to find. Must spend time to nurture these individuals and be prepared to stand in the line of fire in return.

Roundabout tactics

Talking a subject round and round until agreement is given out of submission from other parties.

Zimmer blame

A tendency to insist that the solution to the problem is to install new technologies. The assumption being that old tech is the cause of a problem.

Jellyfish

A task that comes back to sting you just as you think the worst has passed. Usually a one off swipe rather than a repeating niggle.

Dinner-time

Dinner-time: time taken out of the working day spent specifically updating Linke'dIn' profile. This activity is most prevalent during periods dissatisfaction and frustration.

Meeting Sponge

Meeting Sponge: Any person at a meeting that can drain the life source from the gathering. Has been known to bring enthusiastic and productive departments to their knees and render them useless, try to avoid at all costs.

Desk Jockey

Desk Jockey: A person who plays music at their desk without due consideration for others and broadcasting restrictions. This can be especially detrimental to moral when the perpetrator has a liking for Irish Boy bands.

Numbchuck

Numbchuck: An individual who is so immersed in technology they loose the power to communicate with other real people. Origin: A play on words with a Wii controller device.

Normaler

Normaler: One who has NOT been tainted by the need of communicating via office phraseology and 'lingo'. Usually obvious because they talk in language that can be understood and does not lead to confusion or being misled. Origin: quite simply a derivative of normal.

Head Squeezer

Head Squeezer: An outside influence that distorts understanding of what needs to be achieved to complete a task.Origin: from the feeling of unnecessary pressure applied that can manifest itself in explosive language.